A Summer Night Gone Horribly Wrong…..
So I was thinking back today about a childhood friend I had. We use to like to play this baseball board game called Strat O Matic. During the summer we would play it non stop day and night. We were like 11 years old and I was going to sleep over this one summer night so we could play the game. His mom didn’t like to hear the dice for the game clacking all night so my friend said ” OK we will play out in the garage.” His mom said she couldn’t sleep with the house door unlocked. We decided to take our sleeping bags and spend the night in the garage. We moved a picnic table in and that way she could lock the house up.
We were having a lot of fun when out of nowhere he says..” I got to use the bathroom. I said go… He said his mother would kill him if he knocked on the door in the middle of the night. I said just go outside. He then states he has to do both number 1 and number 2 and that he can’t do it outside. So he rustles around in this cabinet on one side of the garage and finds two mason jars with covers on them. He opens them and proceeds to urinate in one while holding the other behind him and crapping into it . He did this while standing. When he was done he took some paper towels off the workbench and wiped himself and stuffed it in the jar. Then he starts saying he has to hide the jars cause if his mom sees she will flip. I said put it in the trash cans. He said no she will see them .. so he takes them and throws them over the hedges into the neighbors yard. Can you image the guy finding two jars of piss and shit in his yard?
Anyhow. we are getting ready to start playing the game again and as I am walking to the picnic bench I step in something squishy. I looked down and told him . gross… i just stepped in your shit! He started laughing like crazy. I said yeah.. think that is funny .. how funny is this then? At which point I wiped my foot off on his sleeping bag. He yells at me Oh come on! I have to sleep in that! I told him not so funny now is it? We then went on to play the game for a few hours before we went to sleep. He used the sleeping bag cause it was away from his head where I wiped my foot off.
The next morning we are eating breakfast and his mom comes in with his sleeping bag and is going to roll it up but stops and says ‘Oh look.. you got chocolate on your sleeping bag!’ She takes her finger and tries to scratch off the dried shit. Then…… takes her finger….. and touches her tongue to wet it and goes back to trying to scratch it off the sleeping bag. She kept doing it. Both our mouths were hanging open and he looks at me petrified and gives his head a small shake side to side meaning no don’t say anything! I bust out laughing and from that day forward anytime we had an argument I ended it with ” ‘yeah… well at least my mother didn’t eat my shit!”
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